Maybe it's Just Me

There are very few deprived of emotion. For the rest, there is an abundance to choose from: love, hate, disgust, interest, abhorrence, fascination, dislike, excitement, amazement, pain, comfort, annoyance, sympathy and so many others. But we must also not forget that each one of those emotions and feelings have different magnitudes.

You can love your child and you can love chocolate.
You can hate stubbing your toe and you can hate someone who has hurt your close ones.
You can be in pain from a scratch or you can have your leg chopped off...

The thing is when we feel something we usually manage to trace it back to a basic emotion of sorts, at the very least we know whether we like it or not. However today I felt something new, something that I am incapable of putting into words and yet I'll try because I know that I must.

It's like an emotion in a dream. You think it's real, yet deep inside question its actuality. It confuses your being with its unfamiliarity.

I believe it is a feeling you get that requires someone special to you in a way different from any other person. And I don't mean regular special, I mean that sometimes you will look at this person and your mind will vibrate with the knowledge that the universe has altered space and time at some point to ensure their creation. You look at this person and sometimes you question either their humanity or your own, because you can't believe them to be a person just like you. Yet they are...

I'm not good enough of a writer to describe it. Were I painter, there'd not be enough colours to portray it. Were I a musician i would need so much more than sheet music and instrument...

And yet it is an emotion that yearns to be sang... It yearns to be painted... It yearns to be played... It yearns to be put into a mathematical formula... Anything as long as it can be represented... Which is why I am still writing.

And some of you will say it's love, but love is too wild, too passionate, too real and unmistakable. Love is scary and fleeting, real and old, but familiar... This was all in a single moment that echoed through my being, this was ultimate.

You know what maybe it's what you feel when you look so deep into someone's eyes you actually see their soul.

Maybe it's what Van Gogh felt as he looked at the sky and drew the dance of the stars in his Starry Night.

Maybe it's what Buddha felt when he achieved Nirvana.

Maybe it's what a person feels the moment he ODs on drugs.

Maybe it's what a person feels when they manage to look into the soul of the universe.

Maybe it's just me.