Experiencing BDZ

This piece was originally written for my writing for media class so it is a little bit more formal than my usual style. There are no profanities, but I believe I have managed to convey my opinion about the Bulgarian Railways. Nevertheless had I been allowed to use offensive language I would have used plenty.

What are trains? According to the Merriam Webster a train is “a connected line of railroad cars with or without a locomotive” and nothing else. However, if you would come to Bulgaria you would see that the Bulgarian Railways (BDZ) disagree with Merriam Webster, and that they believe that the train, at least the Bulgarian train, is something more. Something that can leave you in awe, in amazement, more often it will leave you in disgust and shock as well. Something that cannot be put into words, but I shall attempt to do exactly that.

No matter if you’re a native, a tourist, just moving into Bulgaria, perhaps a pigeon, or even a stray dog, you will be passing through Sofia’s main train station if you plan on using BDZ as a form of transportation across the country or if perhaps you wish to catch dysentery or contract an STD. The journey begins at the entrance of Sofia train station, the smell however, begins a few meters away from that same entrance. The smell of banichkas (rich in oil traditional Bulgarian baked good) fills the air as well as certain smells that ought to be confined to the darker spots of men’s bathrooms in less known drinking facilities. Ah, but when you’re travelling with BDZ, everything is a dark spot of a men’s bathroom.

By the time you’re inside it’s too late to back down and you have to purchase a ticket from one of the many inconveniently positioned ticket booths. If you perhaps do not speak Bulgarian at least on a very basic level, you will be in a most uncomfortable position. To put it plainly, BDZ’s ticket booths are ill-equipped when it comes to understanding foreign languages, and the information desk happens to be in fact quite unhelpful and quite uninformative, as personal experience suggests. Thankfully the purchase of the ticket is not a complicated task and as long as you manage to pronounce the name of the location towards which you are headed all ought to work out with the assistance of hand gesturing and polite smiling. Of course the polite smiling comes from the one trying to purchase the ticket and not the ticket seller. BDZ is funded by the government, therefore all jobs are government jobs and as it is a well-known fact, people who work for the government do in fact never smile. On to boarding the train itself.

If you successfully manage to locate the designated locomotive form of transport, it is time to climb aboard. Fair warning, most of the Bulgarian train carts and coaches are from the time before communism ends in Bulgaria. This does not mean that the passenger cars are vintage, it means that they are old and very well abused. Naturally on none of the train carts will a passenger find a properly working heating system or a window that actually opens and stays open. If it is winter outside and you’re freezing on your journey across the country, there is a chance that you will warm up as Bulgarian trains tend to catch on fire from time to time.

You can encounter all sorts of creatures which cannot be met anywhere else besides during the BDZ experience. These include but are not limited to: large old ladies who managed to take anywhere from two to three seats depending on their sitting position, impressively intoxicated people who manage to take anywhere from two seats to the floor of the cabin, Roma people eating so much garlic that one might think they are trying to ward off vampires as well as anything else that has a sense of smell.

Boyana Yordanova, 21, sophomore at the American University in Bulgaria, is a person who has experienced a wide variety of what BDZ has to offer. Her most memorable encounter is the one with “Grandma Stanka, who will tell you everything about her grandkids, and all about the chickens and all about the impotent rooster.” On her last journey she met a homeless man, who had taken an unknown amount of drugs before boarding and explained to her how the snowflakes were aliens trying to steal her brain. During her more boring trips she shares that she either gets to sit near people with smelly socks or smelly mouths, the credit going to the aforementioned garlic.

Perhaps you’re an adrenaline junky and you’re looking for something even more extreme. If that is the case then you ought to be referred to one of the two bathroom facilities that are located on each end of the passenger train cart. Do keep in mind that this truly is an exotic and extreme experience, as it could even prove to be a once in a lifetime event as there is the danger of infection. Point of advice, stay clear of all surfaces, especially those covered in layers of stuff which supposedly originated from a biological source.

Not everyone is displeased with BDZ, it does have its perks. Shane Wallace, professor at Galveston College, who used to live and work in Bulgaria loved to ride the Bulgarian trains. As he says “Bulgaria is unbelievably scenic and there are many amazing views that one can only see and truly appreciate through the windows of a train”, he does however concur that the state in which the trains are is “extreme disrepair,” He further agrees that “the amenities are bare bones, and often unsafe.”

There are many more reasons as to why one would travel with BDZ, but the biggest advantage, aside from the scenery and the memories that shall forever be burned into the cerebral cortex of your brain, is the price. The tickets are as cheap as are the people who maintain the Bulgarian Railways. So if you have an adventurous spirit, like to enjoy a good view from your window and wish to save a few levs in your wallet, but also risk getting it stolen, BDZ is for you.